As a diversion from my normal ramblings about books, during this Christmas season I thought I would offer this humble advice.
10 GIFTS NOT TO BUY YOUR WIFE:
10. A bottle of $8.95 Cheap, simulated perfume: It will make a great insect repellent, and it will also repel your wife.
9. A Christmas sweater with snowmen, reindeer and ornaments. Coming from you, it says "To Grandma Claus."
8. A Golden Dust Pan. I actually bought this with my young boys.
7. An expensive looking Jewelry Box with no Jewelry inside: NEVER lead your wife to believe she is receving jewelry – unless she really is. Don’t wrap up a $10 gift certificate in a jewelry box unless you want to wear the jewelry box on your nose.
6. Exercise equipment of any kind: I don’t care if you buy her the most expensive treadmill in the world with a built-in video screen, this gift says, "I love you, Honey. Now hit the gym and lose that spare tire."
5. A decorative toilet seat. According to the newspaper, a husband in Longmont, Colorado, presented his queen with the ultimate throne to replace one that was cracked. As he climbed into the dog house that afternoon, he was heard to say, "I thought I was giving her something she could always use, day after day. It's was the gift that keeps on giving."
4. The infamous cheese-and-sausage basket sampler. Your wife's ultimate fantasy is not chucking down liverwurst and attractively-packaged Gouda cheese in plastic wrap.
3. A vacuum cleaner. Even if she needs a new vacuum, don't buy it on a special occasion. It says, "This place looks like a landfill." Also avoid floor waxers, lawn mowers and step ladders.
2. Two Tickets to a concert where she doesn’t like the singer.
1. Sexy lingerie. Far too risky. This gift says, “Hey honey, put one on and look sexy for me because I want more sex.”
If you really love her, buy her cotton flannel pajamas.
Finally, make sure you know what she likes.
Dr. Mike Wourms
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