However, on the way home, the tears began to blur my
eyes, and they just kept coming. I began to think, "What if I
never see him again on this earth? What if that was the last
time he hugs me or the last time I hear his sweet voice?" That
was all it took for the flood that followed. I had to pull off of
the freeway and find a place to park so that I could pour out
my heart to God. Let me tell you that I was very surprised by
this, because I had always thought that I trusted God with
my family and really hadn't lived in fear. But I was suddenly
overwhelmed with the possibility of losing my husband.
As I sat beside the freeway and cried, I asked God to show
me where this fear came from and what I should do about it.
He so clearly showed me that my fear came from an unwillingness
to accept "whatever" God chose for me! You see, if I
was willing for God to take my husband home to heaven
whenever He chose, there would be nothing to fear. So my
fear came from thinking I might not be able to handle life
without him. After God revealed that to me, the next step
was very clear…I had to give Jim up to the Lord to do with
as He chose. I had to tell God that should He decide that I
would never see my husband again on this earth, that I
would still trust Him, love Him, and serve Him. I didn't know
all of the answers, but I knew God would take care of me. His
word promises just that!
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